Family moments

I’m an avid quotation collector. I collect quotations from the books, blogs, newspapers, movies, podcasts, TV shows, and even twitter and Facebook.

After being inspired by a friend who posted a list of funny and interesting quotations from her own family, I decided to start collecting from everyday conversations, too. Here are a couple of month’s worth of quotations from my siblings and parents. To give a bit of perspective, I’ve included ages with the first entry of each name.

Cynthia (17): Did you hit your head?
Havilah (4): No. The house threw a rock at me.
Cynthia: How did the house throw a rock at you?
Havilah: Because Josiah threw a rock at the house and it bonkded and it flew and hit my forehead. And that’s why I have a bump. A big huge one, see?

Lydia (15): Don’t make me help clean! I already did help. I cleaned off the counters…I just lied. I totally made somebody else clean off the counters. But my henchmen count as me!

Cynthia: I’m going to tickle you, Havilah…
Havilah: Not cool!

Lydia: Cynthia, you’re not listening! I need a zapper. I really need a zapper. Somebody go buy me a zapper. One of those things that sucks all the electricity out of the nearby object and makes it go “boooj!”
Isaiah (14): Watch out or you might get zapped!

Tabitha (10): The only thing I don’t like about the Magic Tree House books is that they’re always like, “Save the aminals!”
Cynthia: It’s “animals”.
Tabitha: You mean I’ve been saying “aminals” wrong all my life?

Josiah (5): It’s a really bad idea to go into battle wearing chain-mail shorts.

Havilah (wearing an earbud): This is my plugger and that’s your plugger.

Joshua (4): thank you for judging.
Noah (11): I just debated you, so I’m your opponent.
Joshua: oh. Thank you for opponenting.

Lydia: I just burned the toast, then the bread bag melted – so when the house burns down, you know whose fault it was.

Josiah: Here’s a true story that I just made up…

Lydia: You haven’t seen him since last summer? Well you should see him, he’s…(long pause)…actually, he looks the same.

Cynthia: What?
Isaiah: Nothing. I’m just giving you an evil grin to see how you react.

Lydia: Micah, why are you wearing my biblegirl shirt? I haven’t seen that thing in, like, three months!
Micah (12): Neither have I. It was under my dresser.

Isaiah: You’re all invited to my funeral. Don’t worry—there’s food.

Joshua: You’ve got to be kidding me. Cynthia’s home already?

Micah: see that bug on the ceiling? I just broke its leg by shooting it with a rubber band.

Havilah: That was a yummy-in-your-tummy cookie!

Micah: Y’know, that Switchfoot concert was totally worth the $26.
Cynthia: Speaking of the concert, did you ever pay me back for that?
Micah: Oh…did I tell you how nice your hair looks today?

Tabitha: I rose again because I’m an expendable crewman!

Mom: You guys have nothing to do in your lives…
Cynthia: That’s not true!
Mom: Okay, let me rephrase that—you guys act like you have nothing to do in your lives.

Tabitha: Hey, you’re drawing a picture – can I bump you just a lot?

Mom: Maybe I should just record myself and play it over and over again…

Micah: Just because you’re right doesn’t mean your awesome!

Cynthia: I think that you lose all capability to dream of conquering the world after you become a parent.
Mom: No, that doesn’t happen until about 12 years into parenthood – when they get a mouth.
Noah: What? I’m eleven and I’m talking! Can’t you hear me?
Mom: You started early, unfortunately.

Josiah: Let’s play Easter candy wars. The bunnies can shoot missiles out of their ears.

Setting: Micah walks in the back door wearing a helmet made of duct tape.
Micah: Don’t I look scary?
Cynthia: No, you look incredibly hilarious.

(Loud explosion sound from sink)
Mom: What was that?
Micah: It worked!
Maybe I should do these experiments outside…
Wow. Talk about scaring me out of my pants!

Dad: Eat your food, Tabitha.
Noah: Don’t worry, Tabitha, it’s just a little yucky—not too bad!

Isaiah: Go ask dad if we can have powdered sugar on our pancakes.
Micah: Hey dad, can we have gun powder on our pancakes?
Dad: Uh…sure, you’ll have a blast!

Joshua: Cynthia, why do you have dough on the table?
Cynthia: Did you eat some?
Joshua: Only a little bit…it was really yummy.

  • Rachel

    Oh too funny! These are hilarious, Cynthia. You really have a talent for capturing quotations.

    Thanks so much for sharing!

  • Chelsea

    Those were too cute!