Judgment Hurts, but Is It Really 'Persecution'?

We sometimes hesitate to share about our life. Seems strange to read this on a blog that exposes our convictions all over the place, but in reality, we pause–especially with our deepest convictions. Particularly with our conviction to love another child.

It may be scary, but we live a life of nonstop joy. Our hearts are free.

We know that some will not understand, grow frustrated with us or even angrily confront us. We already silently suffer through the nosey comments from neighbors, co-workers, church members, etc. And we know that such confrontations will surely increase if we get more vocal about our lives. Judgment already exists for large families like ours, and we’re likely going to get it in the nose more and more as time rolls on. We’re not completely immune! Judgment like this hurts.

Perhaps it is technically persecution to be judged for following God’s conviction and having another child. But we must keep it in perspective: This is light-years from martyrdom. Our life is filled with unfettered, nonstop, compounded joy.

This joy is the direct consequence of having so many blessings running around the house, which is, frankly, a direct result of following our personal convictions. Let the judgments come; our hearts are free.

Perhaps this is what Paul James meant when he says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds” (James 1:2). I always thought this verse strange, but after 23 years of following Christ, it doesn’t seem so strange anymore. Here I am, surrounded by joy, and the fear of the past seems so petty now.

You know what would be a true downer? Living with a house empty of blessings, knowing full well that God had been calling us to something bigger, something better than the status quo.

So we have no choice. We can’t (nor do we want to) hesitate. Our conviction to “love another child” must continue to be shared.

About Chris & Wendy Jeub

The Jeub Family live in Monument, Colorado. They encourage couples to love God and love one another, building an atmosphere of love in their homes.

  • Jimmy

    What a joy children are and how dare people condemn you for having more? Why do these people kick against God?
    God’s greatest blessings be upon the Jeub’s who are building a mighty tribe of little blessings who are growing into mighty men and women of God!

    Psalm 127:4-5

    4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
    So are the children of one’s youth.
    5 Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
    They shall not be ashamed,
    But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

  • Sarah

    Very true in that the judgement we face isn’t the martyrdom that those in the Bible or even in China face(d) daily. I know that in my family the judgement we face for our decisions/convictions to 1)have more childen if God wills it 2) to homeschool 3)to dress modestly including skirts and dresses for us ladies 4)for me to cover during church 5)our views on not accepting the alternate lifestyle of family members I could go on and on. Just in the past two months I’ve had to cut off contact with both of my brothers, I don’t talk as often with my dad, and it’s the same with my mom. It’s easy (sometimes) to stand up and say this is what I believe when we don’t have the threat of death (I actually posted some Scripture about this on my FB wall) looming over our heads.

    God bless you.

  • Abby

    Judgement can be harsh and yet it is not even the job of humans to do it :( Families are either too large, too small, too liberal, too conservative. Parents are judged by what they let their children wear, who there childrens friends are, how much allowance they give, children are either spoilt or deprived, it seems there can never be a happy medium to some people. If parents let there children out alone, many say they are irresponsible. If parents disallow their children any time away from them, many will judge them as overprotective and over sheltering. Can any family win in this world? Of course you are not immune for it, no good person would expect you to be (you’re not made of stone after all)- stay strong in your convictions. You may not convince everyone to follow how your family live and all your beliefs (though we discussed this a few entries ago :) ), and everyone has their own convictions after all, but keep your head up and continue what you do. Your life is full of blessings-remember that is between you and God and not your nosey neighbors :) Keep living a life full of joy.

    I do have something to ask you actually out of pure curiosity (though it’s not related to your article as such)- what is your view on children watching TV? I wasn’t sure if you guys have one or if you watch the news and such via the internet. I attended a homeschool conference a few years ago where we were strongly encouraged to throw it out. We have one in the sitting room (nowhere else)and do limit the time (and the programs) but my 5 do watch some (the oldest is 11). I just wondered how you guys managed this? If it is too personal, please just ignore my comment, I just wondered. I may be liberal in some ways but I do look to other Christian families for ideas and advice :)

  • Chris & Wendy

    Great initial comments! Question, do you guys have our book “Love In The House”? You all should get it if you don’t: Free shipping this month.

    Anyway, to answer the TV question…no, we don’t do TV. Your question is a good one, and it takes some thought for a thorough response. I think I’ll blog on it soon.

  • David Kumbera

    I must be the most myopic man on earth. I would never have imagined this and yet I don’t find it hard to believe. Thank you for sharing this Chris. Please know that love for you and your family is not only in your house. Blessings.

  • Amy Wingfield

    Boy, do I relate to this post. Wendy, you know about my two miscarriages Aug 2009 and Feb 2010, I’m in counseling now, we’ve done all we know to do to correct my physical problems…. but mentally I struggle, has God shut it all down for whatever reason and why…. I don’t understand. The main reason I’m in counseling, I have no one to talk to about my personal convictions and thoughts. I too want to give it all to God and have, but no one around me believes the same. I keep most everything to myself now and have quit writing about my own personal thoughts, for the most part.

  • Wendy C.

    AMEN! AMEN!!
    Our family of 15 feels EXACTLY as you do!
    Thanks for articulating it so well!

  • Fruitful Harvest

    Great post~
    As a momma of 6 little blessings and praying for more {I’m over 40 and dad is almost 47} folks think we are crazy too. {even other church goers}

    At least we know differntly.
    The True JOY of having a large family is something they nay sayers will never know.

    Peace, Love and Joy,

  • Tara G.

    We have four children. The oldest just turned 6, the next just turned 4, the next is 2 (almost 3), and the baby just turned 1. We have heard all of the comments as well, but I must say that they really don’t bother me anymore. I had rather have my hands full than empty! While my husband says we’re done (I’m praying God will change his heart), it fills me with joy to know there are those families out there that are following God’s will for their lives in having more children. I don’t think that it’s God’s will for ALL families to have 15+ children, but I do think God wants us all to prayfully seek out what He wants for us and not what WE want for us. It takes a lot of faith to have a large family, and I really admire you for doing so. I wish my husband would see it that way! God bless you all!

  • JenT

    Good post. It did make me wonder; is there another blessing on the way? :)

  • Kristine McGuire

    I’ve never understood the predilection we human beings have to categorize or judge people who make choices different from our own. While I have not chosen the route of a large family, I honestly don’t understand why it’s anyone else’s business to be critical. Perhaps it’s because one of my great-grandmother’s had eleven children but I simply don’t understand the big deal. Blessings to you and your beautiful (and potentially growing)family!

  • Chris & Wendy

    Wow, Jen. You’re close to having your 9th. Congratulations! We are expecting in May. See our announcement here.

  • JenT

    Actually our 10th, but thanks. And congratulations to you too!

  • Anon

    I am sorry your family is being judged for having made the choice to have a large family. Large family or not, a family is a blessing. A child having a family is a blessing.

    But if I may, aren’t you doing the same with the following statement.

    “You know what would be a true downer? Living with a house empty of blessings, knowing full well that God had been calling us to something bigger, something better than the status quo.”

    Imagine how a person struggling with infertility would feel if they read that statement ? Words and actions are powerful as you know. I know you are a very God fearing family, but sometimes your words do not come across that way. Your calling is perhaps a large family which God has provided you. Not everyone has to make your choice or in many cases can make your choice.


  • Brenda

    I have had my share of those questions and comments with “only” 8 kids. I would LOVE to have a huge family like yours and am thankful that families like you are willing to share your joys with the rest of us.

  • Chris & Wendy

    “Anon”ymous: This is the second time you’ve posted with a bogus email. You should let yourself be known to truly join in the conversation.

    On infertility: My statement was not directed toward the infertile, but toward those called to have children yet voluntarily fight the calling. I am sorry that came across to you differently.

  • Anon

    Perhaps the reason you are “judged” for your large family is the way you judge those who don’t have large families. Most of your verses and arguments in favor of “God’s calling” to have large families are ridiculous.

    Judge not lest ye be judged. Should have listened to that verse.

  • Chris & Wendy

    I’m truly sorry you feel this way “Anon”ymous. Here’s a good article that may help you understand us a bit more.

  • stacey carey

    Chris and Wendy,

    I understand how people judge others for their belief and there convictions to live your life for God.. I choose when i was young to live my life for God and to stay pure till God sends the mate for me and if he does not have the mate for me then i will continue to serve him till he calls me home to be with him and my parents again.
    I 43 years old and the youngest of 4 girls my mom was pregnant 6 time but had 2 miscarriages and about 6months after i was born my mom had to have an emergency hystorectom(sp) all 4 of us were raised the same way, our parents kept us all in activity , church, school and sports.. their words were the idle hands are the devils workshop… my family never said anything about how i was living my life until after my parents passed away.. My mom passed away in 98 from a massive heart attack and 18 months later my dad passed from pancreatic and liver cancer… Once they passed away my family loved making the comments like i dont knew what i am missing by not have relations with guys….. I dont wear dress or skirts never really cared for them i always wore dresses to church but other than that it is jeans and t shirts… in the summer i wear shorts to my knees and my bathing suit consist of men’s swimming trunks and a t shirt.. my pastor has always told us that it doesn’t matter what you wear as long as it is modest and you worship
    May God be with ya’ll and your family the only person that has the right to judge other is

    thank you

    stacey carey

  • Jimmy

    Judging is very Christian. Christ’s warning is that we should not judge like a hypocrite. My pastor wrote a short Bible study to help Christians judge rightly. : )

  • Roger Hicks

    Agree with this wholeheartedly!

    Minor nitpick: It was James, not Paul who said “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds” – just was letting you know so you could fix the typo. Thanks!

    • Chris & Wendy

      Thanks for the correction, Roger!

  • Jessica Brammer

    Thanks for continuing to talk about such a touchy issue. It is definitely a relief for others like us to know we are not alone.

  • Annie

    It’s sad to hear the hurt that “Anon” has. It’s very clear the calling you are speaking of. It’s not about having the most number of children you can. It is about being willing to accept each and every blessing that God is willing to share with you. Unfortunately, for some, God has closed off this blessing. It’s often a difficult thing to accept, but ultimately we must all be willing to accept God’s will, whether many, few or no children. I think we should all pray for “Anon” that the eyes of her/his heart might be opened and they will be able to see what God has planned for them and why.

  • Amanda

    Thanks so much for this post. I am pregnant with our third child, and it’s amazing how much judgment you get after you have two kids. Especially if you are like us and you already have a boy and a girl. People can’t understand why in the world you would want more children. The hardest for us right now is being judged by my in-laws, who are in no way happy for us to be bringing another child in this world.
    I look at your family and am inspired. Thank you for being such a light!

    • Chris & Wendy

      Thanks for commenting, Amanda. Hang in there! Your in-laws probably mean well and are seeing life through their choices. Keep walking your convictions.