Dec
14
2010

Reasons We Chose Adoption

Adopting Toby in China

Finally meeting Toby in China -- Our journey in adopting.

The following is a GUEST WRITER for JeubFamily.com. Every once in a while we welcome the views of others to our blog. If you would like to be a guest writer for JeubFamily.com, see our writer's guidelines. Enjoy this article!

While waiting for our adoption to finalize, we were often asked why we were adopting.  We already had 2 boys, and God surprised us with another pregnancy — this time a girl — during our 2.5-year adoption process. This was a good question, one we asked ourselves quite often!

Many think adoption is really for couples who are unable to conceive. We didn’t have fertility difficulties, so folks wanted to know what our motivation was. Over time we gave many different reasons. On the 13 hour plane ride to China, we had some spare time, so we compiled our list. We call this a list of convictions because, we believe, they were convictions in our life from God. For quite some time, God called us to adopt.

The concept of adoption originates with God

The brutal — yet beautiful — story of God entering a scarred world in the person of Jesus is ultimately about providing a means of adoption (and redemption) for His estranged sons and daughters into His family. The One that fashioned the universe into existence chose to set aside comfort and safety to allow a broken and evil humanity to nail Him to a cross, all because He loved us.

When we humble ourselves and ask for God’s help and forgiveness, we are adopted as His children. We feel we are already akin to our son — adopted children.

There are many orphans in this world who need a home

While we can’t help them all, we can open up our family to the few that God leads us to, with the resources He provides.

This is succinctly illustrated in the story of a man, walking along the beach, at low tide.  He observed that the beach was littered with starfish, stranded by the receding ocean, all doomed to die.  At one point he encountered a child picking some up and tossing them back in.  “You can’t possibly make a make any dent or difference, with so many,”  he noted to the boy as he passed.  The boy held one before throwing into the sea and responded, “It matters to this one.”

So it was with us. We can’t adopt the whole world, but we can adopt one.

Children shouldn’t be taken for granted

When we began to consider having children, we realized that it might not be easy for us. We decided, early on in our marriage, that if we were unable to conceive biologically, we wouldn’t attempt any medical intervention or fertility treatment. Whether a child had our DNA or not wasn’t a priority. In our assessment, you are a parent based on how you love them, not how they joined the family.

Adoption is worth the financial expense

Adoption is financially expensive, no doubt about it. We could have spent the money to finish our basement or go on multiple vacations. The money could have been saved for the unknown future or been invested to earn more of it. Yet, all of that is temporal and fleeting. In God’s economy, a person is both eternal and of inestimable worth . In God’s economy, children are an asset and not a curse. In God’s economy, it is better to give than to receive. We chose the option to convert the temporary into that which is imperishable.

Adopting a child is a calling

Ultimately, this process has been God leading us (and teaching and providing) and we are merely following.

I wonder what would happen if every follower of God was to get actively involved in loving another child through adoption? What if Christian families asked God if if He would have them love another one? Or could you be God’s provision for that family, financially, prayerfully or practically.  You might not be called to adopt, but you can be a part of loving another child through community.

Adoption is a beautiful journey. We’d like to hear from you. Do you have adoption convictions? Have you walked this walk? Please, leave your comments below.

  • Tina

    Great artical! We had 7 bio children before we adopted 6 children from Liberia. We then were blessed with an 8th bio child. Our 14 children range in age from 16 to 2 years.

  • Sara

    LOVE IT!! Have started considering adoption- we have 3 biological, but made the decision for permanent birth control when the 3rd was a month old. Very much regretting our decision now, and hoping to figure out some finances to see if we can swing the adoption process!!Thanks for sharing!!

  • Jolene

    We too have been blessed via adoption. We have 2 children by birth and two have joined us through adoption. We are looking to adopt again in the near future if it be God’s will!

    Truly it is a calling because it is the most beautiful and difficult things we’ve ever been through. God will bend, stretch and mold you and bless you beyond all reasoning!

  • http://thesousabrownfamily.blogspot.com/ Jenny Sousa-Brown

    We also have adopted. We have adopted 15 children to date after having 3 children ourselves. The call was clear without a doubt….everyday I thank the Lord for my wonderful blessings. I knew that I would adopt when I was 16-17 years old. I witnessed a couple leave their baby in the hospital because this special needs baby would “not fit into their lives” they stated they were “career minded people”. As a nurse’s aid in the maternity ward, I went to go visit “this” baby in the nursery and there was a very quiet baby with down syndrome. I was to young to make a difference with that baby but that week I told myself that if God allowed..I would be a mother to these children “left behind, not wanted”. After my 3rd pregnancy,my husband and I decided to get a tubal ligation and opened ourselves/lives completely to God to fill our home with his children. People ask us do we have a limit on how many children we would adopt? the answer is it is God’s choice…we do not put a limit on God, He knows how many children He wants us to adopt and we trust Him. Thanks for the above article.

    • http://www.jeubfamily.com Chris Jeub

      Wow…15 children, 12 adopted. Wendy and I very much relate…except the other way around. God bless you, Jenny!

      • Becca

        Actually, I think she’s saying they have 18 children, 15 of whom are adopted.

  • Janet Kiessling

    Amazing story………..We, too, are adoptive parents to 6 Blessings & Lord-Willing – maybe someday ,many more! My hubbie has 3 from a previous marriage, too.
    Gos Bless!

  • http://hilltopblessings.blogspot.com Sheri Lorenz

    We have adopted via the foster-care system. It was the most wonderful difficult thing we have ever done. The one thing that people “stupidly” said to us was: “I would love to foster a child, but I couldn’t give them up like you.” When we were in the throws of possibly losing our little lamb to drug-addict parents, that was not easy to hear. Sometimes I wanted to say: “Well we just love lightly in our home!” Thankfully, the Lord did shut my mouth! We also have three bio children and are waiting for our next call from CPS. We can hardly wait! Thanks for the great info on your blog!
    Blessings,
    Sheri

  • http://journeytotoby.blogspot.com/ Dave & Teresa Schoel (Guest Writers)

    It is so wonderful to read about all the wonderful families that have been blessed through adoption.

    Sara- You mentioned some financial concerns regarding adoption. While adoption can be costly at times you may want to do some research about foster-adoption programs. They are often low cost or even free. While foster-adoption is not for every family you may want to pray and see if maybe God is leading you in that direction. I know that God will provide for your family and an adoption in His way and time. Blessings!

  • http://sobystuff.blogspot.com sabrina scheerer

    I have felt called to adopt through the foster care system since I was in high school. It took hubby a while to come around but now he is willing and we fully intend to persue iit some day. Our hold up right now is that we are in the midst of having small children (currently 2 five and under with a third on the way and hopefully more). While we are willing to have a child that may be troubled we are concerned with the possibility of putting the other children at risk.

  • Donita

    We to have been blessed through adoption. Two through domestic private adoption and four through the fostercare system. We also have three bio children. I really don’t like to use the words these are my bio children and these are my adopted children. In fact I choose not to use them. Because I can tell you for this Mommy’s heart, there is no difference in my love I have for them. God called us to adopt and even though the path has not always been an easy one, we are so glad we followed Gods calling. We are so blessed and our life is so much richer with all these children! God has adopted all of us into his family. So…. birth or adoption, it makes no difference to us how God sends them to our family. We are just so happy we decided to love another CHILD!!!(or in our case CHILDREN) Blessings, Donita

    • http://www.jeubfamily.com Chris & Wendy

      Donita, your posting is very precious. We love you guys!

  • Linda Valentino

    I do not have a problem with adoption, yet why does it have to cost a bundle to adopt? Here where we live it costs thousand of dollars. Why so much to bring a baby to futration and deliever it from harm at others expense.

    I tried for many years to have a baby. Nope I could not have any, then when it was time to adopt the price went from 50,000.00 to well over 100,000.00 for a baby. No matter what country you are, they still want the money.

    I could understand that the process takes time and money but to screw over Us Americans because we want a child to me that is totally wrong.

    We chose to have Cats, they were what we could afford. My husband did not make that kind of money to adopt a baby. The american babies were all deformed that we looked at and wanted a healthy baby from Viet Nam or China for a girl. We were told to take in a child in foster care. Nope I would hate to love it then they take it away from me, like they did to my dog Dusty. I was a foster mom to dogs and when I got to love it, it was taken away… it nearly broke my heart!

    Then I am no spring chicken to raise a child now. I was then, well over 30 yrs ago. I would have adopted one, if the price was alittle less, I could have afforded 7,000.00 but the price was getting higher and higher.

    I know this family where I live adopted a little girl from the Thailand and they paid well over 200,000.00 for her. What was she going to take away a persons job in the USA because they told her she needed to pay for this or not have this child. That couple paid up, they got to visit with her, lived with her and her biological mother who was only herself 15 yrs old, she told my friends that she had nine other kids so far and that she sold the child for 500.00 to the American Couple but the govt in this country told the American couple that they must pay 200,000.00 to take this child from them.
    To adopt there should be guidelines and no more than 10,000.00 to adopt a child. These children have been a commodity like Pork Rinds. To us that is totally wrong.
    Now, that I am older, I can no longer be a mom, but I feel that I did not have the opportunities to have a child since I married older and did not have the choice to have a child was sterile by the age of 30 for being ill all my life. So I married six years later, and the opportunity was not there.
    So I applaud these people to take on a child, who cares if you have 19 children or 30 children if they can afford another or two or three… its the love they can give that child good luck to them… I say its a Gift From God and Merry Christmas… This child is what Christmas is all about.
    Hugs Linda

    • Margaret

      Linda,
      While it can be frustrating to try to adopt internationally, there are both good and bad reasons that it’s so difficult. There’s definitely corruption and money-grubbing going on. But there are also very real concerns that these countries have over child-trafficking, and children who are not true orphans being adopted to families overseas, with out the truly informed consent of their parents or close relatives. Not every child in an orphanage is a true orphan. Some are there because their parents love them, but cannot feed them. They did not want to give them away, they want them home again, but they also do not want to watch the child starve to death, and orphanages will often take these non-orphans if they can. There is also the concern that “cheaply” and easily gotten children will increase child-trafficking and the use of these children for purposes other than just being loved and joined into a family. A nation may not have the ability or resources to deal with all of their own orphans and poverty stricken children, but they still do not want to be responsible for the children of their nation being mis-used and mis-treated. We must be careful not to develop a sense of entitlement to take any child from any country just because we wish to do so.

      I have friends who adopted two little boys from Russia. It was time consuming and expensive, and they are dairy farmers and couldn’t afford another international adoption. They were blessed with a beautiful, healthy baby girl this year through a state adoption agency.

      I believe these issues may be one reason my husband is leery of adoption, as he saw them up close and personal in his home country.

      My parents did adopt internationally. They deliberately chose a child who was abandoned because of his “deformity” (a missing forearm). He’s a brilliant, successful 20-something now, and I am most grateful to have him for a brother.

      • Linda Valentino

        I just wish it was then not so much of a burden to me then. I would have adopted 10 if I could have afforded one or ten.

        Now I am in my fifties I have no patience and time and also funds to adopt any child. What I can do is that someday give 1 or 2 children a college education, to me that is the best gift to give someone who really wants to go to college but can not afford to. I do not have any siblings who would like to have this grant money. But I guess I will not have a problem to give it to a child one day who can prove to me that they are trust worthy of having a great sum of money, when I am no longer here.

        I understand where you are coming from, I know of a lady who went to Belize and made an offer to this one childs mother and she was paid 500.00 to take this womans only daughter because the woman could not afford to have her, because my friend could not have a child and she wanted one badly. So she housed this little girl the girl is 20 yrs old now and has the best of everything a college education from donated funds for her mother who begged for free rides for everyone and they gave to her. Now the child is not a legal in this country and she has a green card.. this child is very abusive to her adopted mother and not a good person, and her adopted mother gave her everything, but she feels that if she does not help her she will soon leave. Why is it when a woman tries to help someone the child becomes defensive towards the parent who is showing her love and respect.
        Well, what can I say. I must say that this is what we all want is to be loved by someone who cares and not someone who wants the cash only.

  • http://www.theyoungpages.com/jodis_blog/ Jodi

    What a beautiful and timely post – thank you! We have four biological children (all girls, six and under) and have just begun our first adoption journey. We had a few hiccups early on as we became pregnant and discovered our chosen country (Russia) would no longer allow us to adopt with five children due to our income level. Sadly, we lost that baby, but God used it all to direct us to adopting a special needs child from Bulgaria, where family size doesn’t seem to be as much of an issue. We begin our home study within the couple weeks and can’t wait to meet the child God has for us. God bless you, Schoel family – thank you for speaking right into our situation with God’s truth! And thank you Jeubs, my husband and I both love your blog. God bless!

  • http://journeytotoby.blogspot.com/ Dave & Teresa Schoel (Guest Writers)

    Adoption is definitely a challenging and rewarding experience. We would encourage anyone interested in adoption, both international or domestic, to please do your research. It’s not a perfect system and there is corruption in some countries or by some individuals. That said there are many reputable agencies and individuals out there who truly have the best interests of families at heart and do their best to keep their costs reasonable. Ultimately we trust that when the Lord leads us to adoption He will provide.

    Blessings!

  • http://www.jeubfamily.com Chris & Wendy

    Michael Hyatt’s daughter just posted a great article that addresses the financial issue of adoption. It’s good reflection on the cost of adoption: SEE HERE.