If You Couldn't Afford a Child, Would You Have One Anyway? (Part 1)

“If you couldn’t afford to have another child, would you have one anyway?” This question came in a few weeks ago, and we pondered an answer.

Josiah with Jesus

Josiah found the Baby Jesus on Christmas Eve.

One of the most common arguments against loving another child is finances. If you insist times are too tight to bring a baby into your lives, our arguments may seem callous, or at least too simplistic. Here’s how we see things:

  1. Children are blessings from God.
  2. We love to be blessed.
  3. Therefore, we welcome and love children.

It’s rather logical. It flows quite nicely. Logicians have identified a common logical fallacy called a non sequitur, a latin term for “it does not follow.” Here’s a non sequitur:

  1. Children are a blessing from God.
  2. We love to be blessed.
  3. Therefore, we can’t afford to have children.

See how it doesn’t follow? So our answer to the question, “If you couldn’t afford to have another child, would you have one anyway?” is simply, “The decision doesn’t follow the problem.” For us, we can’t logically connect a blessing from God with our refusal to accept it. The latter does not follow the former. We have to complicate the equation to make it work out.

We want to hear from you especially if you’re struggling with finances. Like we admitted earlier, we sound callous, but we aren’t trying to be. When we hear stories of financial burden, we often are able to help. We identify more than you might think. Please use the comment section below to share with the community about finances.

About Chris & Wendy Jeub

The Jeub Family live in Monument, Colorado. They encourage couples to love God and love one another, building an atmosphere of love in their homes.

  • http://jent-manyblessings.blogspot.com JenT

    It’s really not as expensive as most people think to have children. Especially if you choose to have them at home. Our midwife charges $1500 to around $2200 for a birth (maybe a little more, she works with you on your income). I’ve talked to others who charge more; ours is by far the cheapest one we’ve found. But regardless, 2 or 3 thousand dollars is nothing compared to the many thousands that a hospital would charge. I don’t even know how much they charge now because we’ve done homebirths for so long. Add in a c-section on top of that (which a lot of women end up having) and you’ve got surgery bills to cover.

    A baby does not need everything out there that the advertisers say they need to have. Our babies really don’t even need a crib for the first several months of their lives because we co-sleep (which makes it super easy for mom to feed in the middle of the night). Which brings me to another point; breastfeeding – talk about your money saver! Formula is about $10-15 a can (I’m guessing here) and how many would you go through in a week?

    We started cloth-diapering which did cost about $200 to start in the beginning, but I also had several ladies give me some cloth diapers that they were finished with. Another money-saver. If a person can get used cloth diapers they would save a lot that way.

    Clothes you can buy at thrift stores or accept hand-me-downs from friends and family. Keep gender neutral sleepers and onesies for the next child.

    It’s only when parents think their baby has to have the latest and greatest that they get stuck in a downward spiral on spending money for the new baby. I can’t remember the last time we bought a new large baby item. Practically everything we have for our babies were already used or given to us. I think even as adults it’s hard to not give in to certain peer pressures. “The Jones’ baby has that, we need it for our baby”.

    Just a personal note; we have been at the lowest financially that we’ve ever been for the last few months. We are currently staying with my mom because we can’t get into a house. And yet we had our 10th blessing just last month. Some will call us irresponsible, but what happened to us could have happened if we’d had only one or two children or none at all. Thankfully, yesterday, my husband just passed a test to start a new job on Monday. We are looking forward to what the Lord has for us in the future. We did not look at our finances when we found out we were having another baby. We knew the Lord would provide and He did. I always save baby clothes and I asked some ladies I know for cloth diapers (as mentioned above) because I didn’t have enough for two in diapers. They were very gracious and gave me plenty to get us through. The baby sleeps with us and I have a bouncy seat, that my mom found at a thrift store about 2 babies ago, that he goes in during the day. The only thing new I’ve bought is a couple of pair of cheap pants at Wal-Mart. Everything else is used or has been given to us.

    Sorry for such a long comment, but I agree; children are not as expensive as people like to say they are. And I just talked about the baby part of it!

    • http://www.jeubfamily.com Chris Jeub

      Great ideas, Jen! We apply many of the same. We adapt, we grow. It’s rather nice and simple living.

    • Kate

      I love reading this blog and agree wholeheartedly that children are a blessing, but I wanted to add something (that some may have already added- I’m not sure) to this response. We just brought our 5th child home today- our first two are adopted (ages 4 and 3) and are most recent 3 are bioligical (ages 2, 1, and 1 week.) I had severe preeclampsia with all three of my biological children, despite following diets that were supposed to prevent it, et cetera. I was on hospital bedrest with all of them- 1 wk, 2 wks, and 2 days. I had to have c-sections at 31wks, 37wks, and 34wks. All three have stayed in the NICU- for 6 wks, 1 wk, and 1 wk 2days. I say all this to say you can imagine our hospital bill!!! So, for some, a home birth is not a possibility, whether for a better birth or to save financially. On top of that, I was born with tubular breast syndrome, which caused me to not have enough milk ducts. I literally pumped every 3 hrs for 4 wks with my first and only ever got up to 10mL of milk. Same sort of thing with the 2nd- didn’t try with the 3rd because it’s too heartbreaking. I share this to say that, no matter how much a mom desires it (and it’s been my heart’s desire to nurse my babies since I was a preteen, probably), some moms just can’t nurse. It’s rare, but a possibility. I know you knew this when you wrote your comment, but I thought that, in case someone else was reading that either couldn’t have a homebirth or can’t nurse, here’s a reminder that having babies can be very expensive for some moms. Me included :). But they’re so worth the cost and our church has been wonderful in helping us during these times of need. So even if they are expensive, they’re still worth it :).

    • Fran Hanus

      Chris and Wendy, great blog. Thank you for the ministry you have undertaken. The angels are dancing with joy at the examples you set. I relish everything I read from you. We had 9 boys and 6 girls. There are still 5 unmarried children. We have 34 grandchildren (1 coming in August) and 3 great grandchildren.
      Every single time the world said we’d never make it, God showed them differently. He has the way. Blessings to all of you and your fabulous ministry. Fran

  • Sarah

    I agree that children are a blessing. I have 4 daughters with me at home and have had 3 losses. I would love to have more but pregnancy is really hard on my body. I get severe hypretension. With my 3rd child I got HELLP syndrome and had to have an emergency c-section. I was on bed rest for 27 weeks for each of my last two pregnancies. I don’t know what God has in store for us. Right now we’re just leaving it to Him. Who knows, I’ve always said if someone dropped off a bus load of kids I’d take ’em!
    As for finances I work at night and my husband during the day. However, we are finally both on the same page and agree I should be home. We’re working on building his buisness and getting out of debt. I’m excited about the future and am waiting to see how the Lord works in our family!

    • http://www.jeubfamily.com Chris Jeub

      You have definitely walked the walk! Great testimony, Sarah. Glad you’re open with it.

  • http://wwwMommyofMany.com Jen

    We have 9 children-2 college age, 3 high schoolers and 4 from preschool-5th grade. They are ALL in private, Catholic schools. We live in a beach town in San Diego, have 4 vehicles and until 1 1/2 yrs ago, lived on 1 income (I’m now working part-time at the preschool, so it’s not exactly what could be considered an actual “second income”, but for arguments sake, I mention it). I am OFTEN asked how we do it or told that people just don’t know how we do it and my very simple and honest answer is that neither do I. It’s all in God’s hands and He makes it all fall into place EVERY SINGLE DAY. I know that people are frustrated by that answer, but it’s the only one I have. Yes, I budget and shop well and recycle the kid’s uniforms, etc. But honestly, God sent these children, He knows I want the very best for them and in turning it over to Him and trusting that He’s got it, it all falls into place. Yes, it’s hard to let go in that way and not worry and fret, but to pray instead, but it ALWAYS pays off! NOTHING is beyond God-not housing, schooling, clothing, food, vehicles…NOTHING! After-all, He calls us to trust, love and have faith like little children and don’t our little children trust that we will feed and house them each day? And don’t we come through? Well then my logical flow is that so will He.

    • http://www.jeubfamily.com Chris Jeub

      Wendy and I have often thought how families pull it together without God in their lives. Now that’s something to marvel.

      • kathy

        I totally agree. If I didn’t have Him to turn to I would be lost on many occasions.

    • Mary

      When I have children I would love to be able to send them to private school, especially since I went to private school myself. I’m from Michigan, but I was just wondering how much private school costs in your area and if you get special discounts due to the size of your family. Thanks!

      • Jennifer H.

        In response to private school, Catholic private schools in a lot of areas are actually very affordable. The one in our town was about $800/year for members of the parish. Sadly, it is not the case for a lot of other private Christian schools.

  • Jennifer Mull

    When people mention not being able to afford a child,I always laugh and say, “Well, technically, there has never been a time when we could afford a child… hmmmm…. except maybe the third one…” I love the puzzled look on the face of the one who can’t quite follow what I am talking about.

    Basically, the only child that we conceived when we were truly at a good place financially was our third. We had just gotten out of debt (except mortgage and a student loan,) and “financially” we were just becoming pretty comfortable…. no luxuries, mind you. 😉

    We did, however, decide after getting out of debt and having the third child that I needed to be home, so I quit working as an RN, and our income was significantly decreased. So, the rest of our 8 children have been born while we are living as a single income family.

    There have been difficult times, and I won’t pretend that I wasn’t anxious at times, because I was. But, the Lord has always provided and pulled us through. He taught me very good lessons about the fact that He is the Provider…. not me or my husband, but HE IS.

    Truthfully, right now, I wouldn’t TRY to get pregnant because my husband was laid off last year and this past year we have used up nearly all our savings. He has a temp job right now, but it will end at the end of January, and he has no leads right now. We haven’t had health insurance for a year. It has been tough. I also had some health issues with my last child (who is 20 mons.) and right now, I’m working on getting my health improved.

    But, if the Lord gave us another blessing anyway, I know He would provide because He always has and continues to do so, even in this bleak time. He can be trusted in this! :-)

    • BJ

      Your life sounds so much like mine. Your family will be in our prayers.

  • Brooke

    My husband and I have been blessed with two children ( 1 with Jesus )but we apply money saving ideas in our home. My husband is a full time college student and works part time, I stay at home with our children and homeschool. We are actively trying for more children ( which I ask for prayer regarding….it has already been one year and doctors are running tests on me for health issues preventing conception. )We all wear thrift store clothes and shoes, I store away all my children’s out grown clothes for future children or consign those I don’t really need. It may only give me back $20-$30 but it’s something for toilet paper, etc. I make my own laundry detergent. I will use cloth diapers on our future babies. I breastfeed ( have had to use formula supplemented for my now 6 year old daughter….it was provided through WIC )All baby items we really ever need have come from friends ( who no longer need them or allow us to borrow the items )or family. I do have hospital births and for medical reasons with my second child had a csection….all of this was provided through my husband’s medical insurance. We didn’t pay a dime, God is good !! Children are indeed a blessing and I don’t believe that finances should be a hindrance to allowing God to grow a family. After all, He is the only ONE who can grow a family !!

  • http://godmadehomegrown.blogspot.com Tiana

    Our finances are incredibly tight right now. We just welcomed baby #4.

    Faith isn’t faith if what we’re called to do is easy.

    Either we believe God when he says children are a blessing and He will provide for our needs, or we don’t. Making the decision based on the “bottom line” is really trusting in ourselves rather than God, isn’t it?

    • Aubrey

      I really like what you have to say here. I have troubles trusting sometimes, but deep in my heart I *know* God will take care of us.

  • Kathy

    There have been times when we’ve discovered another blessing was on the way and we could see it would be financially difficult to add in a new child, and yet, when it came time for it to be born, we were secure. Other times, we’ve been secure at the time of discovery only to be be completely broke when the baby arrived. It is the nature of being self-employed, yet we have never gone hungry, nor lost our home. God has always met every need and we will always gratefully accept all blessings!

  • Karsten Peavy

    Todd and I have said for years that children aren’t expensive, lifestyles are. We don’t live extravagent lives (driving 2 12 years old paid off vans is hardly extravagant, but they’re ours!!)but we do live frugally and living debt free has made our budget so much easier!! We don’t drive fancy cars, go out to eat, take nice vacations, wear new clothes (I find much better quality clothes at a fraction of the cost at thrift stores or yard sales), etc. Our meals are frugal and filling. Friends and family shake their heads and try to figure out how we live the way we do on our income and we laugh because their driving new cars, living in new and expensive houses, taking nice vacations..I just laugh!! It’s a no brainer!!

    • http://www.jeubfamily.com Chris Jeub

      “Children aren’t expensive…lifestyles are.” I’m writing that one down.

      • http://wayneandjen@sbcglobal.net Jen

        This is one of my favorite sayings – it is very true!

  • Ann

    I am a mom of 6 children. We make less money now than ever. But the one thing I have learned is God will make a way if we trust HIM. I wish I had more children. My last pregnancy ended in miscarriage. (it was a little boy, Jeremiah). I wouldn’t worry about health insurance. Here in KY, if you don’t have health insurance and are pregnant, they will give it to you. I don’t know the income guidelines, but for the children in the CHIP program, you can make what I consider a lot and still get it for them.

    I just think the economy is not a reason to postpone children. Just make things the focus that don’t cost money. For example, some people have a hobby that costs them $$ or go to expensive sporting events. Do something that doesn’t cost. Change your tastes and desires. The economy isn’t going to get fixed any time soon. Your life goes on. Do you want to look back later when the window is closed on having children and be full of regrets? So many people think they will start having children and so they wait. Then later they try and they are unable to have children. Let God plan your family and turn to HIM.

  • BJ

    I love your logic! I’ll have to add that one to my stockpile of quick and easy responses to complete strangers! Maybe you guys could print that one up on business cards so we could all just hand them out and save some time getting through the grocery store!

    When have we EVER been able to afford another child!?! Seriously. But we have always believed that the Lord who sends them here will take care of them. They are His, after all, and He has been faithful to see that they have always been housed, fed, and clothed.

    I delivered our 8th child 4 1/2 months ago. My husband has been without a job since his job at HP was cut last February–16 weeks into the pregnancy. We couldn’t afford to have our precious Levi, but God has taken care of the details for us.

    With the first 5 children, every time we had a baby God chose to bless us with a pay raise within 6 months–without fail–even when most people were not getting pay raises. It even happened when we brought my 17 year old niece into our family in order to homeschool her.

    Things have been rockier since then, but we wouldn’t be able to testify to the amazing God we serve if they hadn’t been! Between children 5 & 6, I had a tubal pregnancy that burst and almost took my life. On my way into surgery, the anesthesiologist looked at my chart and exclaimed, “You already have 5 children?!? Why don’t you just have him cut the other tube while he’s in there?” I very calmly told him that my 5 children were the most wonderful people I knew and I couldn’t imagine not having any more.

    Child number 6 was born with a malformed colon, and had to be in the NICU for 2 weeks and undergo surgery at 1 week old. When he was 4 months old, we lost our rented home–and everything in it–in a housefire. Thankfully my oldest child noticed the smoke and we were able to evacuate all of us because it was a very quick moving fire. Financially, though, things were pretty dismal. We were homeless with 6 children, and the little was one having to go to specialists an hour a away weekly. Our renter’s insurance bill had come while we were in the NICU, and still lay, unpaid, in the bag of mail that friends had picked up for us while we were away.

    But God was so faithful! Our church has a house that is awaiting demolition for a new parking lot, and they let us stay there for the 7 months it took for us to get a new home. Within hours, our homeschooling group and church friends had rallied and we had clothes for our children, and within days, we had a range of homeschooling book donations to use!

    My husband’s pay started being cut 5 months after the fire in company wide cut backs. But God decided to bless us with child number 7! Then the house we had bought literally started falling apart. So God blessed us with a 5 year old home twice its size. Then, as I said, 16 weeks after God began growing our 8th, my husband’s job was cut in an effort to curb redundancy after EDS (his original employer) had been purchased by HP. I truly cannot wait to see what provisions God has in store for us now!!!!!!!

    It has been difficult, don’t get me wrong. But just when we got to the end of our financial rope, God provided a temporary job so that we could get our bills caught up. That could end any day now, but God has a plan! And I am so thankful that His plan includes each of my beautiful children–and our smiley, precious joy: the baby that we really could not afford!

  • David Schoel

    Afford. What a loaded word in our culture. It is good to challenge the meaning that is applied to that word in Western culture.

    Also, the following parable of Jesus comes to mind. Granted, its application by Jesus is to the Kindgom of God, but I think it could be applied to a situation where a couple has realized the immense value God places on children:

    Matthew 13:44
    “The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure, hidden in a field, that a person found and hid. Then because of joy he went and sold all that he had and bought that field.”

    • http://www.jeubfamily.com Chris Jeub

      Wendy and I are reading through a book by an Indian missionary. He reflects on how fairy-tail-ish America is, everything you could ever want at the tip of our fingers. So different in India and most of the world. And amidst such wealth, we still think we can’t afford the greatest gifts of life.

      • Emily

        That sounds like a great book – can you share the title or author?

      • Wendy Jeub

        Emily, The book is titled “Revolution in World Missions” By DR. K.P. Yohannan (Gospel for Asia)

  • Peggy

    I just had my first child, and my husband has a son that he has full custody of. We decided we would leave our family size up to God, but I have already been told by my mother that I “better not get pregnant again right away”. My mother is a very money conscious person, and has told me “only have as many children as you can afford”. I haven’t, but I am very tempted to ask her “How much does a child cost?” I’m sure her answer would be in the hundreds of thousands over the course of the child’s life, just like the experts estimate they cost. So then my question would be “When can you ever afford a child then?” Most couples will never manage to save up hundreds of thousands, so does this mean they should never have a child? I personally don’t believe all the hype about children costing hundreds of thousands, but it makes me wonder when my mother would say we could afford another child! How do you estimate the cost of a child anyway? I assume they estimate it by the way a “normal” gotta-have-the-best-of-everything kind of family. Brand new baby equipment, clothes, toys, etc. Brand new clothes, toys, electronics throughout the child’s life. I can see how a child would get expensive if you always bought them the best of everything! Who really lives like that though? With our son, we get a lot of hand-me-downs from friends, or shop at garage sales and second hand stores. He’s 4-years-old, he doesn’t need designer clothes! He has just as much fun playing with play-doh as he does with his electronic toys. Looking back over the past year, we have spent very little on him in fact! And he doesn’t want for anything either (besides more toys, which he has tons of anyway!)

    My point is this: If we all waited until we could “afford” children, based on the estimates of the so-called experts, no one would ever have children! I would like to see the cost of a child estimated by a more frugal and conservative person, so I can figure out at exactly what point we can “afford another child”.

    • Wendy Jeub

      Peggy, Of course you are right on! I have just shrugged at this kind of advice and had another baby. Sooner or later they get the point that I am not interested in that kind of advice. We have a heavenly Father to serve and He owns the whole world. If He wants us to have another baby, I am all for it!!

      If we wait and we plan out everything so many things will never happen!

      Joy to you and your family!

  • http://creatingtreasures.blogspot.com tereza

    Everyone has said pretty much everything… I will add just a little bit. :)

    If someone wanted to give you a brand new house or a brand new car would you worry if you could afford it?? Would you worry about not having money to mow the lawn, or pay the electricity, or put gas in the car? Most people would not… they would figure something out in order to receive that blessing.

    Why is it that with children (priceless compared to a material thing) most people are quick to dismiss and say they cannot afford them?

    I think we have lost sight of what is really precious??!!!

    • http://godmadehomegrown.blogspot.com Tiana

      Oh, Tereza, that’s good! I’ll have to remember that one!

    • Wendy Jeub

      Tereza- You are right about that. Most people afford whatever they want to afford.

  • JAC

    Right at the beginning of the first chapter of J.M. Barrie’s PETER PAN, there’s a very funny section that deals with this issue of whether children can be “afforded.” It really puts into perspective how silly it can be to weigh the extraordinary value of a precious child against the size of your bank account. Our financial situation is very shaky right now (prayers appreciated!), but we would welcome more little blessings, with open arms. God is in control.

    • Wendy Jeub

      JAC, I just read that very recently to my 8 year old. You are right that was a very funny part. I also like the book “The Seven Silly Eaters” And “The Rattle Bang Picnic”

      Prayers for you.

  • joyfulmommy

    But what if you are on food stamps and medicaid for health insurance? Should we allow our government to fund more blessings?
    And is it better for the wife to go out and have to work too to make sure there is food on the table or is being on assistance ok so she can stay home?
    These are some things I am thinking about because of our current situation we are relying on food benefits to feed us all right now and it seems irresponsible to have others pay for our children to me. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have more babies but we have been in this situation for 3 years right now and added two blessings on while being on assistance and I feel guilty and irresponsible to be honest and thats what I have been told by people on other message boards. So now we are thinking of not having anymore because of this and because our family and it breaks my heart to be done to be honest. I just have this overwhelming guilt being on assistance yet without it we would be really hurting as they give us quite a bit of assistance in food, without it we would have $300 a month to feed, cloth and toiletries a family of 10. We live in a old mobile home very small we drive cars that are 30 years old so we can’t let go of those things as its bear minimum.
    Anyway just some thoughts I have been pondering. I have prayed and feel no answers yet its hard when people keep saying its so wrong to have children while on assistance.

    • http://www.jeubfamily.com Chris Jeub

      Government assistance is a trap, one Wendy and I have written about and have lots to share. But it’s a separate issue that is easy to turn. Welfare recipients struggle with this issue, naturally, whether they can afford children. Our point here is contrary: People who can afford them are using the same line.

      • joyfulmommy

        Not exactly sure what you are saying here? 😀

    • http://www.jeubfamily.com Chris Jeub

      What I’m saying is this: Couples who can afford children are clinging to the “I can’t afford another” line. This is the couple this post speaks to.

    • Jennifer H.

      It is interesting that only young Christian parents seem to have this guilt about government assistance.

      Old people cost the society a lot more through Social Security and Medicare, even when they are able to afford their lifestyles without the government checks.

      Unemployed people get more from one week of benefits than their employer has paid in their taxes for 4 years. Our business pays about $60/year per employee. If an employee is laid off, they can receive over $1000/month, for 99 weeks, guilt free because they “paid” into the system through unemployment taxes.

      I find it disingenuous that Christian parents are left to feel guilty for having children, if they are not able to provide private health insurance or if they choose to accept food stamps or other payments from the government.

      There is also the idea that there is a “free market” out there for food and medicine. If that were the case, this would all be a lot cheaper to afford. Medicine is highly regulated, and so is food. As a “bone” they throw to lower income people, they offset the increased prices with subsidies.

      As for it being a “trap,” I am not sure if that is true universally, but I do see it true amongst non Christians in poor areas. I am not sure if there are any stats to support it using people who have been otherwise responsible in their lives.

  • Jen

    Afford…I think it’s funny that we live in a society where everyone seems to be buying things that they can’t afford. Homes, cars, clothing, vacations, dinners out are all put on credit cards that will be paid off “someday” and yet these same people flip out when a couple wants to welcome another child that they can’t afford. It seems the only time we worry about being able to afford something is when that something is a child. It really is funny/sad when you think about it.

    • joyfulmommy

      awesome way to look at it so true!!

  • nursinmamaa

    Joyful Mommy – My husband works hard. He works 50 plus hours a week. Yet he works for small pay. No, it is not enough to always cover the bills. Yes, we are on WIC, yes, my children and I have health insurance through the state. I am a mom of 5 living children. We homeschool and I stay at home. Every week there are taxes removed from my husbands paycheck, to make it smaller than it should be. Those taxes are paying for the WIC that we are on and the health insurance that we have. Are we being irresponsible? No. We ARE payng for our children, just not in the way society sees it. You need to let God lead your marriage, not society. Hugs and hang in there!

    • joyfulmommy

      Mine too I totally understand what you are saying! But if we are low income we are really not paying taxes because we get it all back at tax refund time.All low income people do.
      I would love to here your opinion on govt assistance being a trap Chris as we do feel trapped that we will never be able to afford even the ones we have if we went off assistance unless I went to work and then I doubt I could homeschool my children. My husband works full time and overtime when available.

    • sandra

      I hope it’s ok if I answer here;what I would say is,don’t feel bad that you have to take the assistance right now,because someday,your kids will be working and will pay ALL of that back,and more.Hope that helps. :)

  • Sarah L.

    Hi Jeubs,
    I agree with what everyone is saying, “There is never a good time to have a child if you wait for money.” My husband is in the military and after our third child in three years I had my tubes tied. The military paid for it and now we totally regret it. The problem is we have NO money to pay for the surgery. Everytime we get money saved up we get a huge bill for something. We own a house in the states and are stationed overseas. We don’ buy extravagant things we just do no get paid that much. I am no writing all of this for anyone to feel sorry for me. I just think anyone that is thinking about having a permanent solution to having no more kids should really consider what you would do if you changed your mind. The tubal reversal cost about 5,000-6,000 dollars.

    Sarah l.

    • Terresa

      I am including a link to Above Rubies. It is a list of doctors who do reversals AND a list of websites that provide grants for reversals! It might be of help for you!



    • Karsten Peavy

      Hi Sarah! We’re getting ready to have a tubal reversal in March with a Dr in Chapel Hill, NC and he’s charging $5300. That’s alot, but we’ve been saving. These particular Dr’s have a payment plan (no interest) where you can deposit money into your account with them every month until the amount is paid (even if it’s $10) and there’s no time limit. Great option for people who would be tempted to “dip” into savings. They’re supposed to be some of the best in the US and people travel from all over to come to them. I can send you they’re link if you’re interested. Blessings!!

  • Tarahleigh

    To me money doesn’t matter, i love both my children and i’ve always said i think they deserve the world, mum & dad will try to give them the world piece by piece if all pieces are unreachable unconditional love will be fine. Yes we’ve struggled financially after the birth of my second son my husband lost his job, i went straight back into work, i don’t work often im gone from the house two days a week, because yes i do find it hard to be away from my little men. But my plan is as followed every week. We pay for the roof over our head, we pay for everything they need, we then pay the bills and save what we can. I can honestly say that even though we are on a really tight income at the moment, we have never been richer!we’ve proven we can survive on next to nothing, which really makes us look at the bad choices we made when we had money, but in our defense we we’re young. However its not that we’re rich financially but we’re rich with ambition and determination For the first time we have savings, we save for education, holiday,emergency,christmas and now a house fund. But not only that we are rich in love, since my husband lost his job we have never been so happy! Now he wants to spend every minute of the day with me and our boys and there is nothing more rewarding than seeing the boys smile all day long. Its the happiness and love shared under this roof that we’ve decided all blessings are welcomed, because under this roof we don’t need fancy things just need that love.

  • Bea

    I saw a reader poll on a parenting site not too long ago (of course I can’t find it now) that asked parents if they started making more money would they have another child. The majority said no. I think that sometimes adults use the money excuse as a reason for not having more children because its a more acceptable answer than the truth. For example, I have a friend whose religion pushes big families. Two years after the birth of their third child family and friends started pounding them with questions about when the fourth would come. Instead of telling the uncomfortable truth that their son had autism and their two daughters both had a genetic seizure disorder they used the “money” excuse, the “oh you never know when it will happen” excuse, etc instead of telling the truth that they were overwhelmed and did see how in the world they could raise another child.

    Our family is complete and finances do play a role in that decision. My husband and I both work and pull in six figures combined with our only extravaganz being vacations but we pay well over five figures a year to pay for the medical bills created by our second child. It would be irresponsible for us to bring another child into this situation when we are one medical emergency away from financial disaster. Most families don’t have this worry but for us it is a real possibility and one we take into consideration.

    • Rebecca

      I hate these arguments that go back and forth etc. God provides, it is that simple. My parents were not christians and yet God provided for our family. We were never wealthy but is the value of human life based on wealth or the lack thereof? My husband and I have 12 children, we are Christians, and God provides. We are not wealthy by “American” standards but are extremely rich by comparing ourselves to the rest of the world. Our children are a HUGE blessing to us! We love each and every one of them and I would have every single of them again!!! God is pro life: ALL LIFE! God places value on mankind without reservation.

      • http://creatingtreasures.blogspot.com tereza

        Rebecca, you said it! As Christians, it’s unbelief to be whining about anything when Jesus has made provision for it all at the cross! yes, life is tough, there are struggles but hang on to the promises of God and EXPECT to receive. As a Christian you are highly blessed and favored. Not just spiritually but financially too! You serve a God of miracles: are you poor? you can be rich! Are you sick? you can be healed! Are you in lack? you can abound in blessings! Believe Jesus and expect your answers.

        It’s that simple… faith like a child’s… read the Gospels. :) there is hope!

  • LJ

    We just had our 5th child, and we’ve never had one we could afford! I’m always surprised by what people think children require. We have been blessed to always have a pair of shoes that fit, a warm winter coat, plenty of changes of clothes. And we’ve almost never had to buy them – people GIVE clothes to large families! The few times we have really really needed something, I have asked the Lord to provide it, and within a week someone will bring me a bag full of the right size pants, or a few pairs of shoes, or maternity clothes. It’s miraculous! (Right now I’m praying for some “fat” clothes, because I’m about a size larger than all my jeans! Oops!)
    I have terribly expensive pregnancies, and the Lord just provides. Every single time. It’s miraculous. He’s a lavish Father, just looking for opportunities to pour it out on us, and since we live in such a wealthy country, this is one way I let Him!

  • Jules Green

    Thanks for the thought provoking post! I really enjoyed reading it, as well as the many responses :)
    From our point of view, up here in Canada, we have been blessed with my husbands’ med insurance and the countries’ healthcare system to not have to pay when we have children…I can imagine the Doctors bills that others have to pay would seem daunting to many people:) I am so thankful for the 5 children we’ve been blessed with ! My husband has a regular stable job, we homeschool, and our family struggles to make ends meet with 40,000 a year, and frankly, I don’t really know how we make it… my only conclusion is that it is our Heavenly Father:) There have been a few times at least where the cupboards and fridge/freezer have been empty except for spices, and yet God had provided. We have not starved, we are continually in good health, and God often answers what I’ve prayed for before I’ve even spoken the words aloud! We still struggle with various seemingly overwhelming obstacles, but I’ve learned to trust Him. He does what He says He will do. He is just as His word says:)

  • Bea

    So since people keep saying that God provides what does it mean when he doesn’t? Obviously my families situation is not too common (having a medically fragile child) but I know more than one family that has lost their house/cars/jobs/etc because of their child’s illness and the financial implications of it. Some made some bad choices along the way but some are God worshipping people who had everything taken away from them and not only struggled immensely financially to keep their sick child alive but their healthy ones as well. I guess my question is (and it goes to more than just this topic) what does it mean when God doesn’t provide/provides a no answer/etc?

    • Karsten Peavy

      I’m not wanting to get into a fight or a fierce argument, but I’m not sure what you mean by God not providing? You yourself stated that God has given your family a 6 figure income. A salary that is 2 to 3 times more than most families replying on here make or would hope to make. I’m not sure about your family specifics with your child, but we have a 5 year old with Celiac’s disease who is also a juvenile diabetic. We have had quite a few expensive Dr and lab bills for him with testing and specialists and driving 2 hours 1 way to see the Dr’s. Not to mention special food and testing supplies and meds. We’ve been blessed in that we made sure to become debt free over 5 years ago. It has helped not having a car payment, not having an expensive house payment, not going on vacations, not wearing new clothes or shoes and really trying our hardest to get our food budget down as much as we can. One of my favorite verses that the Lord showed me during a really lean time is Matthew 6: 30, 31 and 32b. The Lord created us and knows we have basic needs, He will provide, but we have to do our part as well. He’s never promised to give us all our wants and desires (even paying off medical bills) but He will supply our needs (Philippians 4:19). Best wishes!!

    • christina

      Simply put it means – you’re doing fine (your best)- and keep going. The frustration and tears that take place during such challenges are the refining fires that make us stronger and better people. We have 2 emotionally fragile, and one medically fragile child, so please believe me when I say I am not making light of the situation. It’s difficult. But I firmly believe that the Lord gives us no challenges that He will not support us through – though the support He gives may not be exactly what we are looking for. When you’re thinking “He’s not answering me”; or “He’s not providing! Why?”. WHen I get like that I try to remember that He is providing each and every breathe I get to take. These children have me, because HE wants me here for them. He is providing each and every breath our children make. Regardless of everything else going on – we have each other because the Lord provides that. Good Luck

  • Beth

    I am just gonna come right out and say it. If my husband and I wanted another child we would have another child should God see fit to bless us with one. But we do not want any more children. We love the 4 daughters we have with all that we have, but we do not feel the need to have any more. It is not money related and I never claim that excuse because that is all it is. An excuse. If you do not want more children than just say it. It is okay. God knows your heart and He will judge. It is between Him and you or me and that is all. I appreciate you Chris and Wendy for sharing your blessed life with others and encouraging others to love children! I also appreciate that you do not harp on others for seeing things differently than you do. May we all love our brothers and sisters in Christ and encourage one another. Praying always for one another!


  • Abby

    On the subject of government assistance being a trap-I guess it can be in that, people get government assistance in their times of need, and sometimes can actually be better off then taking a low wage job (or an extra low wage job)as after the taxes are eaten out of the pay check you could end up with less money…

    I actually feel this is a way that God provides. For people like Nursinmamaa, its an extra boost to a family working hard who may potentially end up with hungary children or on the streets. God has provided some sort of system to help instead of leaving them! I praise God for a country that will help those in need, I don’t see it as any worse for hard working families to accept food stamps then it is to receive most of their clothing through donations – so to the poster above, I certainly don’t think you are irresponsible or wrong for having more children. I’m not here to preach child quantity though that is between each individual couple and God.

    It is certainly the lifestyle you choose. We buy many clothes second hand-each season we have a clear out, sort what can be kept for the younger children (my situation going boy girl boy girl boy is quite annoying for passing clothes down :( ), give stuff we dont need to friends or to the thrift store and then raid it ourselves for “new” stuff. I do buy shoes new and some items generally when you need something specific and you can’t get one that fits for example a good jacket for the winter. I’ve bought them up not to care about labels, the only label you may see is on their sneakers and maybe not even then. If my kids got to do every sport or hobby they thought looked fun I’d be broke. Same with gadgets. I get them doing much more exciting things instead (though they do have a separate sport activity each once a week as we have the finances and want to invest in their interests and health). Agreeing with most above, you certainly don’t have to buy everything new (I do however understand first time mothers wanting all the cute little accessories and a nice pretty stroller as I got caught up in that,it’s so easy to which i think is half the problem, I am guilty of indulging, but the stuff was used again for the rest).

    After all that rambling, I don’t think finances should have to stop you having more children, God can reach out in so many ways be it through many different people, pay rise, tax cuts, governemnet assistance, donations…..but to take a cop out approach I don’t think it’s a bad thing for people having financial difficulties to not have more either. I still believe God will give them kids if that’s what’s supposed to happen, just my 2 cents :)

  • Karen

    When I think about it, even though we HAVE done homebirths when possible, we’ve spent more than $15,000 on our 4 births. Then we spend an extra $50-$70 per week on our grocery/household items bill. Then there are medical bills on top of that. Then there is the loss of income from me being a stay at home mom. It could be even worse if our children had not been healthy. Would we have more money if we had married but never had kids? I can in all honesty only guess that yes we would, a lot more. But God has always allowed us to have the work we needed to afford our expenses and even some extras, and we are comfortable and happy. We’ve never had to go on government assistance though I have worked part-time for a while and it wasn’t a bad experience at all. I don’t believe we would’ve been happy, and if you ask me which child I would trade to have more money – my answer is none of them!

  • Margaret

    We’ve never concieved a child at a time when we could “afford” one.

    To me, God’s provision is two-fold.

    1)Material provision. The food, clothes, finances. He has absolutely done that for us at times.

    2)A change of perspective. What do we “need”. Mostly, we need God. He *is* our provision, even when the material life is rough going. Beans and rice is food, if that’s all we can eat. .50c cast-offs from others are clothing, if that’s all we can afford.

    My husband is one of a large family, raised in Ethiopia, through droughts and famines and civil war. His family still lives in a mud and grass hut, and scrabble for survival. He and his parents would be the *first* to say that God has provided for them all their lives. And waggle their eyebrows at Americans who claim poverty as a reason not to have children. :/

  • Erin

    As mama to 5 so far, I can honestly say that we are more blessed today than we were 11 years ago, when we had a LOT more money. Money is always tight, to the extent that we lost our house this summer….but in return for our faith in Him, we are blessed beyond measure, even to the gift of living in the place we’ve dreamed of for 9 years!
    I breastfeed, we cloth diaper, we family bed, we homeschool, we grow a lot of our food (more and more each year)…we live simply, and are trying to live even more simply all the time. We have all of our NEEDS, and enough of our WANTS, and we have each other. What more could we ask for???

  • Sarah

    If because of inflation life became so expensive you could not even afford one kid, would that situation keep you from having kids all together? We live in an economy were central bankers decide the value of our money, it’s not real wealth anyways. Like a time in nazi Germany when it would have taken a mans entire fortune to buy even a single loaf of bread. In a situation as such everyone would depend on government assistance just to stay alive.

    Over the course of our marriage we have not been the best stewards of our money, so who are we to really say what we can afford. I know we can “afford” another child when… I get pregnant, which seems to happen every other year. I have complete faith that God is not going to allow myself or my children to go hungry but at the same time I do know that we, like anyone else, could face very hard times. Just like having kids, that too would be part of Gods plan for our family.

    To the person who says they cannot afford another child, I would say more than likely they don’t want another child. It seems like even in this economy everyone I know could probably cut their expenses in one or two areas and make adding to the family possible. I’m sure there are plenty of people who truly believe they can not afford another child and maybe they can’t but if they want one, they will make it happen one way or another. You almost have to at some point be in a dire situation and see God work it out to really know that He will provide. Children may not cost what the parenting magazines say they cost but they are not free either. With every new kid we have, our lifestyle changes but it’s not a bad thing and it is worth it for sure!

  • http://candle-by-night.blogspot.com LadySnow

    We live paycheck to paycheck (with VERY little in savings…if any at all) and we would have another child. We spend less on our four children combined then what people typically spend on just one child. Yes, times are tough for us, but I would not allow that to keep me from having more children. And we do not take any assistance from the government either. Not saying that people that do are “bad” we just choose not too. If people waited for the perfect time to have children …they would never have any children.

  • christina

    We’re expecting our 7th, though we have lost a few in between these miracles. We are definately a blue collar, one income family. Our eldest is 12 yrs, our youngest just turned two. When I go shopping with them, as we homeschool, people often ask if I babysit. Or how could we want another one? Things are tight, we have strict budget. But like most have mentioned here – children are blessings. Many people think we’re nuts, and have said so. They ask why on earth we’d want so many. After they meet our kids, I usuallly ask them, “So, which ones should I put back, or give away?” They are each so unique and bring something so needed to our family. We learn from each other, and help one another. We couldn’t imagine our lives without each one, despite the finacial sacrifices – or what other views as financial sacrifices. So our van is beat up, and not all the doors function? So our basement’s not finished, and we can’t afford chicken breasts at the grocery? We raise our own cows, goats, chickens, make all of our food from scratch… this time we invest in these endevours is time spent teaching and growing with our children. We are very thankful for the opportunity to be parents to such wonderful people. We feel priviledged to be involved in their lives so intimately. People accuse me of having my “hands full”. My reply is always, “better full than empty”!

  • Mary

    I agree with everything everyone is saying. Children do not need “the best of everything” and I know this from experience. I was an only child for most of my childhood and my mother gave me every material item I could ever ask for. However, I wouldn’t catagorize my childhood as a happy one since I didn’t get the love or stability I feel is so important for children. When I have a family of my own, my kids will be smothered in love, if not material items. I want my kids to know what matters in life and that is not clothes from expensive stores, the newest bike, every doll ever made, etc. What I want my kids to have is love, stability, happiness, and the peace from knowing their mother loves them for who they are, not what she wants them to be or that they have to alter themselves to be worthy of love.

  • http://www.shellsgang.blogspot.com Michelle

    Isn’t it a shame to use money for a reason to not let children be blessed to you from God. If he blessed you with anything else, I imagine you would not question it.

    With my 3rd child I was worried about money and my marriage, and most of all, losing this child to early birth. I prayed continually everday. Than one day God spoke to me. He said,” Michelle! If I, have given this child to you, I will take care of it. I will take care of it!”

    This child I named, Daniel. He is my most Godly hearted child; all on his own mind you. He was truly a gift I never would have wanted to miss. I can’t wait to see what more God has for him.

    When you limit your blessings, you may just be limiting the greatest worker for the Kingdom of Heaven.

  • http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/pathofblessings Rebecca

    Afford children-ha! We’ve never been able to afford them, still can’t. We have 7 : ).
    It’s definitely all God. According to the USA, we live below the poverty line, always have. Yet, we’ve always had a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, food on the table, a car (or two) to drive, toys for the kids, etc…
    I agree with all the comments about going the frugal route yet found out in 2009 that that isn’t always possible and yet God will provide even when it’s not. In Jan 2009, my husband (our sole income) was laid off. It lasted 9 months. In March 2009, our 7th was born. At two months (May 2009), he was diagnosed with brain cancer and hydrocephaly. All the frugal stuff went right out the window as all our time and energy was spent trying to get Jude well. Yet, God provided everything! Money for bills, food, clothes, etc. Sometimes it came thru a small job for my husband, sometimes from a gift card, sometimes with food left at the door, hand-me-downs from friends, etc. It always came!
    I do think that many often confuse wants with needs. He provides our needs not all our wants. If God sent the sweet blessing, he will provide what is needed.
    Jude is doing well now. He is 22 months-walking, interacting, eating with out assistance, signing (he doesn’t talk yet). He is on monitoring for his cancer with his next MRI scheduled for April (prayers always appreciated!). We are SO blessed to have him and all his brothers and sister!

  • Stacey

    Growing up most of my friends thought it was weird because i was the last of 6 pregnacies my mom lost 2.. Most of my friends were either an only child or had one sibling.. Six months after i was born my mom had to have an emergency hystoretome(sp) so i was the finally… My dad never wanted my mom to work he wanted her with us girls at all times, so we survived on my dad’s paycheck working for Union Camp Mill and when my oldest sister left for college at the age of 16 mom and dad took a paperroute at night to supplement her college education.. Our clothes were usually hammey downs or clothes my mom made for us.. we didn’t have all the things my friends had but we had God, family and plenty of love to go around… When i made the decision at an young age to stay pure till marriage my mom was so proud of my conviction to follow God’s way. My sister’s and other family members never made comments about my choice till after both of my parents passed.. Since there passing they love digging at me i dont’ knew what i am missing for not have relations we guys when you are not married.. Since i was the last one at home i was the one that took care of my parents till the end and then i developed Gastroparesis the follow year.. So at the age of 43 i am still a virgin and proud of it and will stay that way until God sends me the husband for me if there is not one i will continue to practice till the day he calls me home to be with him and my mom and dad again…

  • Wanda May

    I just found your site and already love it!I am now 50 yrs old and always said I would love a big family, but wasn’t blessed that way, I loved being pregant but always had difficult deliveries… I was blessed with 3 children 25 yog, 13 and 11 yr old boys plus when I was younger I tryed fostering, but it ripped out my heart when She went to an other family.
    So I want to say bless you and yours for the path you chose..

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  • Psalm374

    Words of wisdom needed very much
    Boxing with God
    I got pregnant in Jan
    I was devastated
    Depressed,angry terrified
    I was done, I already have 13,11 and 3
    My husband kept saying it’s from God be happy
    I feel into depression because I was with child
    Well,I had a miscarriage in march
    Now I feel into a deeper depression
    God took it away because I was not happy
    Well I then realized My God does not work that way
    And we found out the baby was down syndrome
    So I feel God was watching out for us
    I than made every effort to get pregnant again
    To honor God this time and be happy to be pregnant
    I am having trouble understanding the plan for my life
    At this time my husband has been out of work for a year
    We are out of money,our fridge is empty
    Our 3 year old wants to go to nursery school
    But we can’t pay for it
    but emotionally I’m a mess now
    We get pregnant I lost faith because of it(financially speeking)

    Then I feel I have to honor God now
    Then decide it was a blessing I miscarried
    Now what if I’m pregnant now
    Whore we being ignorant to try again when God spared us

  • Psalm374

    So do I have another
    Or count the blessings I have
    And realize God spared us
    Does God want you to have more children
    When you are struggling to get by now

  • Comic271

    If you really trust and beleive in God a child is a blessing. It says in the Bible that God provides for the birds of the air he will certanly provide for you. If you pray and bring it to God he will provide for you and your family in ways you can not even imagine. I got sick and was on disability and we have always wanted kids but did not think we could afford it but we prayed about it and we ended up getting pregnant and God healed me and provided a job and money from places I could not imagine so you just have to leave it to God and trust and believe in him.

  • jlomak

    Thanks everyone for your comments.  My husband and I have been torturing ourselves over whether or not we can afford another child.  Our daughter will be 7 in Jan.  I got sick after my pregnancy with her and we were really scared of losing it all…some due to our bad decisions.  But, God saw us through it and provided for us.  It was just really scary.  Fear is keeping us from trusting God, I’m ashamed to say.  All I can think of is both of us working and with two kids in daycare and what that will cost.  But, we hate to think of our daughter being alone growing up. Our hearts and souls yearn for another little one.  Please, if you will, pray for us. Thanks.

  • Amovirgo

    My husband and I will be married for six years this August.  I’ve wanted a child for a long time.  First I wanted to wait until he was no longer in the military.  Then I wanted to wait to get my degree.  Now both those things have passed and I want to get into my career first…but I can’t find a job paying more than min. wage.  I am working 2 part time jobs and most weeks I don’t even work 30 hrs. combined.  My husband isn’t working so he can finish school to be a pilot.  It seems like we will never be able to afford a child or be in the right place in our lives to have one.  It really tears me up too emotionally because I want a child now.  We just can’t afford one now.  Even if my husband had a job we couldn’t afford one unless I stayed home.  It is just so hard.  I wish I could just go off birth control in trust God will provide.  But I won’t do that because I believe he gave me the common sense to wait.  It is hard to wait though. : (

  • Chi

    We hav three and I really want another! My husband has said no as he feels we can’t afford it…but I disagree yes we are struggling financially but I know God will make a way and provide if we have another., also Gods blessings maketh rich and addeth no sorrow…how cani convince him to change his mind?

  • Stephanie F Ohio

    We are a young couple with a six year old and 4 year old twins. We just found that we’re pregnant again and have scheduled the ultrasound to see if it’s just one or another set of twins. We filed bankruptcy a year or so ago after much prayer and are on the road to getting on track but are still struggling financially. In six months, we have to move from where we are currently living and have no place to go. Before we found out we were pregnant, we were planning on buying a travel trailer but now, after doctor bills and such, are having a hard time coming up with enough money. We trust Jesus to make a way, in His own time, and are trying to have faith but we have no idea how this will fall into place this time.

    • http://www.chrisjeub.com/ Chris Jeub

      Thanks for posting, Stephanie. I’m sorry for the misfortune that has befallen your family, and your pregnancy isn’t part of it. Can you email me (http://chrisjeub.com/connect) more of your situation? I wonder if there is something I can do to help.

  • If he is real

    answer to the question since you did not provide a proper answer. NO! You are a moron if you get pregnant on purpose if you know you can not even provide for yourself. If you can not afford to pay for your own basic needs than do not have a child. It is simple only bible pushers like you think hey lets all get fat with kids and suffer and die because we couldn’t afford to take care of them. It is people like you that make it impossible for low/no income family’s to get the help they REALLY NEED. They need help to get a place to live or food to eat they go and beg for help, the answer they all get “Sorry can’t help you, you are not pregnant.”

  • amyjo4library

    I guess I would teeter-totter on the idea in skepticism of it would be fair to the two boys that I have now to enlist on the pregnancy train once again to try and have another, much-to-be-beloved third child. I have had two miscarriages and two live births and am thankful at least that I am batting technicallym 50/50. I would be willing to try and again with my beloved of 12 years but am scared of both the thought of losing another baby and being able to provide for my current two blessed boys and yet another one to love and nurture. I have an excellent education and work history and can probably pursue a higher-paying position to help us afford a welcome addition to our family, but am worried that somehow it won’t work out and my biological clock is kicking in. I just turned 30 years old and with having already lost two precious babies, I don’t want to voluntarily sign up for losing a third!! It’s one of those situations I suppose, just better left to

  • Rose

    I have an important question to ask. My sister has ten children and her husband works at a Sam’s Club being a customer service employee (which is not a job that can support that many mouths ). Is it justified to get help from the county to help pay for your children for over 18 years? Especially when that money comes from our taxes and should be given out to the people who really need it. To me I believe that is a form of stealing because you are not asking these people to help you, your just taking it knowing this is the only way to raise your large family. When I hear other stories with couples having children they sound like they don’t go on county assistance. They rely on God to provide even if they lose their home God shows them that things get better by people generously helping them out on their free will. I just need answers because entitling yourself to money that’s not yours is a sin to me.

    • http://www.chrisjeub.com/ Chris Jeub

      I would encourage you to stop judging your sister and her husband. You trying to decide whether they should or shouldn’t take assistance — or, a worse judgment, whether they are “in sin” for doing so — is not your problem nor your business. Instead, focus on your concern for their well-being and seek to understand them and their convictions. They sound like hardworking adults committed to their children, not entitlement “sinners.”

  • sondra kohl

    I suppose if most ppl waited until they could afford kids,they would never have any?