Which Would I Choose to Be Without?

Sullivan Twins Ultrasound

Tania Sullivan is mother of nine children and pregnant with twins (pictured).

The following is a GUEST WRITER for Every once in a while we welcome the views of others to our blog. If you would like to be a guest writer for, see our writer's guidelines. Enjoy this article!

My husband and I had never sat down and made a conscious decision that we would have a large family. The number of children to have was never discussed.

As time went on we embarked on two journeys. I call them our spiritual and our personal journeys. One led us to discover a faith we never even thought about before. The other made us question the things we had been led to believe by society over the years. Were the two linked? With the benefit of hindsight and a greater understanding of how God works in people’s lives, I believe they were. Years ago, however, they were two separate journeys that we embarked on — or at least they were in our view.

My husband and I had dated back in high school. We were together for two years before breaking up. I then got into a pretty bad relationship and didn’t get out of it until I had a six-month-old baby and another on the way.

I had been a single mum of two children for four years when Mike and I got back together. The following year I stopped using birth control and we began to try for a baby. It wasn’t to be. That year alone we experienced the pain of three miscarriages before we finally fell and carried our baby to term.

Over the years we had another five miscarriages in between successful pregnancies and it was during this time we began questioning birth control. The more we researched it, the less we felt there was reason for it and eventually decided that we would no longer buy into the birth control mentality and would trust and be prepared to accept more children into our lives. It didn’t make sense that we were trying to prevent conceiving a child when a month or two later we would be “planning” to have one, yet grieving when a miscarriage occurred.

We soon discovered that the world is a harsh place when you go against the grain. People don’t need to have large families any more, don’t you know, was the reasoning.

Then I would look at my children and think, which of my children would I choose to be without? If our hearts didn’t desire these children, which of these children would we not know?

Which of my children would not be hugging me? Who wouldn’t be running out to the car when Daddy comes home from work? Who wouldn’t be telling me their plans, their worries or their dreams? Which of my children would not be telling me they love me?

I have love to give and I know there is no limit to it. There is no limit, either, to the amount I can receive. I cannot imagine not having any one of my children in my life and I look forward to seeing who else is going to be entrusted to us.

Mostly, I am grateful for the journeys that led us here.

  • Chris Jeub

    It’s amazing how bountiful God’s walk is! Thanks for guest writing, Tania. Your transparency and personal testimony are encouraging.

  • Dawn

    I am the mother of 9.  We recently miscarried, and I long for God to bless us again, even at my age of 42.

  • Anon

    I am a mother of 3, although I have had 5 pregnancies. I too believe my miscarriages were down to birth control. I would love to carry on having more children but I suffered complications in my last pregnancy and delivery that I gave been told not to have any more. When I suffered my miscarriages, I re-discovered my faith. However, my husband is an atheist, so it’s hard. I prayed a lot for my baby and believe that she survived, that we both survived because of God. I think a lot of people feel that large families are no longer “needed” in society due to medical interventions. But if it wasn’t for Gods ways & his teaching then, I believe, there wouldn’t be as many of us here today. Children are a blessing and each should be cherished. I may not be able to naturally gave more, but I’m hoping that we can welcome more children in to our lives by ways of adoption/fostering. I admire all those with large families! Xxx

  • Jennifer Mull

    Even though my story is different and I *only* have 8 children and 4 miscarriages, I can relate very well to your story. Each child is a blessing and only the Lord knows the potential in each one.  It is a truth that people can only dispute when they put other things before children. This life is quite a journey, isn’t it?

  • trooppetrie

    First, thank you for encouraging me to go to the blog. What a wonderful find. Second, I think this needs to be talked about often. we have been blessed with four blessings so far (and two more not from my body) and i cannot imagine not having any of them

  • Michelle

    I work for a christian based foster/adoption placement agency in a small city. We have several kind people who have opened their homes to bless many children with a life they wouldn’t know without them. Many of these homes have 6-10 children in them.. If there were more people who believed as these people and you all do, no child would ever have to be turned away. I myself have 5 siblings and would love to have more :) I do have nine aunts and uncles who are all married and am blessed with lots of cousins.. I’m thankful my grandparents and Parents believed in God’s. Children are a gift from God!!