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Introduction

This book was born out of our experience with TLC (formerly The Learning Channel) and Powderhouse Productions—a TV production company that contracted with TLC—when we were one of three families featured in the miniseries “Kids by the Dozen.” Powderhouse contacted us in the spring of 2006 to see if we were interested in doing the show. A producer asked us if there were any big events coming up, and we gave them a few ideas. Our annual Jeub Birthday Bash, a once-a-year party we throw for all our kids, was the idea that Powderhouse latched on to. It was agreed: they would come out and follow us for eight days leading up to the party.

The onsite producer came out to see us before taping began. A single man, he took to our children almost immediately and was soon behaving more like an uncle to them than a producer. Moreover, he had been around reality television since the genre started. “Reality,” he told us, “is what people genuinely want to know, and we want to know what a family of 15 does to get by.” They want to know how we do all that laundry and wash all those dishes, how we educate the kids, how we can afford to take care of so many. To his credit, the producer seemed genuinely interested in capturing on camera the reality of daily life for a family of 15.

The crew consisted of a cameraman, a sound guy, and the associate producer and onsite producer. They stayed at a nearby bed-and-breakfast, showed up at scheduled times and followed us throughout the days. Much of the coverage ended up on the editing floor. Home school, work, the birthday party, the story of our daughter Alicia, and shopping as a family all made it into the finished product. Some schooling activities, Wendy’s women’s group, Sunday morning church, and several hours of interviews were all cut. Over 50 hours of footage were captured through the week, all of which was edited down to a 44-minute episode that was broadcast on TLC in January 2007.

The producer advised us early on that this would be an experience unlike any other. We looked into the camera for many, many hours, explaining why we live the way we live, why we have so many children, and how we make it all work. We talked of our faith and our values. We ended up enjoying the opportunity because we grew through it immensely.

As the week progressed, the crew captured preparations for the party, schooling, shopping, work and so on. We opened up about our estranged relationship we had with our oldest daughter, Alicia, and how her contact with the family was extremely limited. The producer didn’t want to pry, but told us up front that this might be a compelling angle for the episode, as long as Alicia was up for it. We were honest with him: We were separated from our daughter because of a long history of failures and frustrations, but we all desired reconciliation. The producer went back to New York and pitched the idea to the network executives. He returned a month later and captured much of what was presented on the show. The final chapters of this book go into detail about what was not shown on television.

The experience was unlike any other, since it spurred us to reflect on our way of life, and eventually to write this book. There were a number of themes that surfaced throughout the week, and these six themes are spread throughout the 12 chapters you’re about to read. We can’t tell you how much feedback we’ve gotten since the show first aired, but we will do our best to address the questions most people have about our family philosophy. Here, in a nutshell, are those six themes:

1. Fear

We’d love to say that we live fearless lives, but that would be untrue. We all have fears that keep us from moving in the direction that God wants us to move. Especially when considering the blessing of children, fears—though they may be unfounded—play a big role in our decision making. We spend a considerable amount of time identifying the most common fears and addressing them. Indeed, we hear from many young couples who fear (like we did in the past) the idea of bringing children into the world. Chapters 1 and 2 represent our attempt to help couples face—and overcome—those fears.

2. Creativity

We posted a survey on our website (www.jeubfamily.com) the night our “Kids by the Dozen” episode first aired, asking what people liked most about the show. Overwhelmingly, people chose Shopping/Saving Money. For those people, Chapters 3 and 4 will be interesting chapters, since they answer many of the questions people have about our family finances. We manage fine on an income of less than $40,000 per year, so creative spending is definitely important. We’ll share some examples of how we provide for such a large family on a small income, and we’ll also try to help you do the same by tapping into your God-given creative juices.

3. Freedom

Some critics of our lifestyle would argue that we are enslaved to our children. We couldn’t disagree more. We’ll explain in the chapters on freedom how a life with many children is an incredibly liberating life. We believe the notion of children as bondage is a rather recent concept. In fact, throughout history, large families were seen as more of a blessing than a hindrance. This can be attributed to a modern cultural attitude toward family and children, but we’ll also explore some of the pitfalls that parents bring upon themselves.

4. Child Rearing

We have a new saying we like to tell parents: Parent as if there is a camera crew following you around every day. In preparation for the taping, we sharpened our parenting as much as possible. We aren’t perfect parents, but knowing that the cameras were coming, we prepared ahead of time. Much of the feedback we received after the show aired was from parents who wanted to know how we raise our children. Frustrated moms from chaotic homes wrote us and begged for our “secrets.” We’ll share what we’ve learned over the years, but the truth is that there aren’t any secrets, just tried and true methods for reestablishing order in the household.

5. Relationships

While we have received an overwhelming amount of positive feedback, we have nonetheless received a handful of “hate mail,” primarily from people who are appalled by how we shelter our children from the real world. “Get those kids in school!” one person wrote. “It is irresponsible to bring more kids into the world when you live in poverty.” “How can you be drinking all that Starbucks while you let your kids go without socks?” (Yes, we drank a lot of Starbucks coffee the week of the show, but that was only because the producer brought it to the house every morning. And, of course, our kids do wear socks.)

We’ll demonstrate how a large family carries with it some natural socializing factors. In fact, some recent studies have shown that parents aren’t necessarily the primary influencers of their children’s character. In many cases, siblings play a larger role. As you’ll see, a family of 13 kids is definitely a social environment worth studying.

6. Love

The most challenging part of the book to write—and perhaps for you to read—deals with our oldest daughter, Alicia. The TLC episode accurately portrayed our estranged relationship with Alicia, but there was much more to the story—a lot more than would fit neatly into a 44-minute show. We are thankful for how everything turned out, especially because Alicia is now reunited with the family. Along the way, we all learned a lesson in love that we’ll attempt to articulate in the last chapters. The lesson is what our family is all about: our lives, our faith, and our mission in life.

Our mission in life is why we wrote this book. We believe we’re onto something here. Like most parents, we’re doing the best we can as life goes on, but our feeble steps of faith have produced some insights that we want to share with you. We make our lives transparent because we believe families and couples would appreciate learning more about parenting and the value of children. This book is not our attempt to show how perfect we are; quite the contrary, this book unveils some of our deepest faults and struggles. What we learned along our journey as parents are significant truths that we wished we mastered many years ago. If our vulnerability encourages others to grow healthy, loving families, then this book will have been worth the effort. Love in the House is what we are, and this book is a reflection of our love.

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